“The thing about anxieties”
If loneliness is the price of my success, I am willing to pay it.
I got rid of my feelings today, I got rid of myself.
But I can't get rid of my soul.
My demons in the trunk, covered at the bottom,
covered with my dramas, because I lived for them.
I have never experienced love.
I’ve been used to the emptiness.
Naive to believe that I could save someone's soul.
Following my ignorance with it in the dark.
So sadness and anger overwhelm me,
the confusion in my head is staggering.
Oh, how wonderful, oh, how marvelous,
how immeasurably my feeling immerses me.
When I look into your eyes, when I hear your laughter,
When I smell your scent on my body.
A poor being huddled in my body bound by its life.
you are escaping into a social masquerade
putting on masks, and when the lights go out even though
gushes from around others,
ruthless dragging self up to the fake love.
Exceedingly my feeling plunges me,
into the darkness of my knowledge.
You are catching masks at play,
and when the lights go out,
though it springs from other lives,
the range of colors is still visible in the distance,
your glow goes out into darkness though.
Your mind and soul struggle with loneliness.
You are looking for love they say.
And when she faces you, you don't see her.
I can see how fragile you are inside
I will comfort you to sleep,
And then stroke your mind and body,
Flaming your heart in ice.
All night in my chest and arm you were cuddled
by your hand to hold eternity and for longer to numb my body
I could lie by your side.
The morning sound wakes you up,
and again you change your nature
and again the confusion in my head guests
and when asked the mass gains.
Takes over my body.
Last night, he went after you
finding a lost soul sitting in a corner, lost in her choices
in pursuit of you, he succeeded in finding lost souls
in a loss of his choices.
I embrace you, anger dies, leading you to silence your fears.
I am lost in you again, although I know that when you get up
I become a snapping and wandering person in your bed.
I'm losing myself.
As if I wasn't there last night.
Because you can do it, you are so pretty, so sure, so unreachable.
So strong, I am not allowing myself to me.
I am asking why, because the time is too short.
I am not able to express my words easily.
My words, where are they?
Lust and misunderstanding, they will rule for war with reason,
they will let my love be buried.
Rule my world! love will bury my war with reason!
Before the mud starts to dry,
you will greatly appear with a fraction of a fortune,
you will not necessarily pass before my eyes
and again the heat in my heart will shine.
Before the muddle abates,
you will be greatly frustrated.
I’ll fall into a quarrel with myself because I know that
I’ll not save you and I’ll bleed myself.
The thought of feeling my feelings is not easy to give up.
I have to put on a mask myself.
Poise my heart with hatred I must.
You will snatch it unconsciously.
Tear it away from me.
To feel no more pain, deceive my mind.
Curse my innocent soul.
To childhood memories step back and a part of my soul close there
to my innocent curse.
To experience peace alone.
It’s so fleetingly prosaic because when I feel you again
I lose my life
I know you can't hug me, you don't take care of me,
although they say that for love I would seek my happiness to complete myself.
Confusion means to love you
although we know each other a few moments,
sad this love is so lonely unrequited.
Fear overwhelmed in his guardianship.
I can't squeeze these words through my throat
Inside they scream I LOVE YOU!
So I have to get rid of myself to be able to live.
Autumn 2014, Wojciech J. Walkowicz